James R. Brandewie

Well the onset of age. Turning 29. On the path to getting back to the things I love.

Music – I have found the perfect niche. Taking a lot of lessons from Bert Jansch. I feel very happy with my current direction. The music feels like me. It took a really long time to get to a point where I feel comfortable sharing my music. A lot of the reason was simply that I wasn’t singing, playing songs for myself. I was trying to please an imaginary audience. It was just untrue to itself. But the songs I have got now I think they are me. A little demure, a little broodish, a little ironic.

Writing – I have been stuck. I just haven’t found the next great story in my life. The stories have always come from my real life so perhaps I need to expand to less concrete experiences and start to use my dreams and concepts more. Approach writing not so much as something to say but how I say it. The form of the art not the substance.

Physically I am coming around. Age 22

Age 29. I weighed in at 200.4lb’s, with less hair on my head and more everywhere else. I am physically much stronger than I was at 22 but decidedly less in shape. My conditioning is coming back slowly. I need to lose a lot of body fat. My ideal weight is probably 190, but I will shoot for 188 because I like the number. So I hope by May I am in good enough condition to really play again. I figure I have 6 more years of good basketball left in my life. I think I better get the most out of it, no regrets. It is a love like any other.

February 8th, 2010 | Category: Day in Review, Life's Routine | Comments Off

Well I had a revelation coming back from Louisville.

Which led to me drawing up plans.

Which I will find out about this weekend and in the upcoming weeks.

So drink one for me.

February 5th, 2010 | Category: Better Days Ahead | Comments Off

Jacob, Dad and I went to Louisville and had a pretty good time. We ate at a very packed Cuban Restaurant then played a game called Apples and Apples. Then booze filled night. My first all month I think.

On the way back I kept on thinking that it is time to say goodbye to Ohio, maybe even more. So I now sit debating whether I fill out Graduate School applications or I just wait 4 months and move on in a different way.

The continued confusion of being without stability.

February 1st, 2010 | Category: Big Ole Whiner, Frustrating Mess | Comments Off

Good news. Not for me directly but something that affects me. So glad. It makes things immensely easier for me and my mind.

So back to being pre-last few months me.

Money not an issue for me much anymore. I will be okay once I cut some things out of the budget. I no longer have to worry about extra things.

Yes I am back to scheming about my next project and my next next step in May.

First thing first I am going to apply for a Masters in International Comparative Politics. That should get me back in the game and allow me to pursue a PH.D elsewhere.

Next I am back to writing a few things.

Anyway a big lift off of my shoulder.

Off to Louisville this weekend.

January 29th, 2010 | Category: Better Days Ahead | Comments Off

Kind of strange thing has happened for the last two weeks. I fall asleep sometime shortly after I get off work between 9:00pm to midnight. Then I wake up a few hours later, never more than 4 hours. Then I am awake until 10:00 am then I fall back asleep and wake up for work. This schedule is driving me crazy. When I wake up I hope that it is like 7:00 am but it is always 2:00am. I am feeling the effects on my mind, body and soul.

So I have been trying to find out a way to make over $30,000 a year. That is pretty much the amount of money per year I need to live a life that I was accustomed to growing up. Currently I make about half that working part-time.

My big idea was to take over the driver contractor position.

Anyway I got the actual figures the other day and frankly it would be a boon. I could make easily$25,000 a year doing relatively nothing. If I worked 4 days a week I would make close to 50,000.

I want to do this but I have to buy out the current contractor. I talked to him last week and he said $25,000 I could buy him out and get his trucks. His trucks are not worth that but I would gladly take the offer because I believe I could make it up in the near future and upgrade.

I talked to my boss and he was okay with the idea but he doesn’t believe the current contractor with sell. Our contractor is gregarious and frankly anything he says I take with a grain of salt. But everytime I see him he complains about this and that. I know financially he doesn’t need the job.

I asked my parents if they would loan me the money to buy him out. It seems quite unlikely they want to. But my Dad is coming down here this weekend before we go to Louisville to visit my brother.

With all that said I am just about out of ideas or options. I don’t know how I will maintain my current life. I doubt I can. With the flood of graduate students and the current unemployment rates I really don’t want to go back to school right now. The state budgets will be cut in the next few years and teaching positions will again be harder and harder to come by. I don’t want to go to graduate school living on the edge again.

I don’t where to cut money anymore. I tried to get a cheap house and failed (no one is lending for houses under $70,000). After my lease is up in May I will likely pop up my tent in Delaware County and live in state park. That is what my future looks like.

January 28th, 2010 | Category: Big Ole Whiner, Frustrating Mess | Comments Off

It hardly feels like winter anymore. Supposed to be close to 50 tomorrow.

I have to work all day today. Which kind of sucks because I am in a weird groove of dreaming, playing video games and otherwise enjoying my downtime. It is a strange feeling of pure contentment and how I can be so content.

So naturally the feeling gives way to a morning like today, fueled by obligation I begin to think about ways to lessen my obligations. Another surge of feelings, another plan. Which may or may not come to fruition. That is always dependent on capital. Of which I have none. Paycheck to paycheck.

Anyway off to work I go. I have two books to read and applications to write for graduate school.

January 23rd, 2010 | Category: Life's Routine | Comments Off

No idea what will happen next. Probably nothing. Sometimes I feel nothing in life is going to work out. That would sum up my last two weeks.

It’s all about money. That is my pure focus right now. How can I make enough to pay all my bills. How can I save money long term. How can I make sure I am not hemorrhaging money anymore.

I don’t know how much optimism I have left. The options for a better life seem fairly dim. And when I say better I simply mean a more exciting life in which I challenge myself. Because right now I am not. I am simply go to work, watch TV and lift weights. I left my music instruments in the pawn shop because I just don’t care enough to play them. Sad. I also am close to giving up on my basketball story. Yet another year where the things that needed to fall into place technologically have not.

So listless boring life. Perhaps I should start dating. But even that would involve more effort than I feel worth mustering. Yawn.

Sleeping in 4 hour cycles. 10:00pm to 1:30 am and then 11:00 am to 2:00pm. I am getting nothing done. I still have not moved my stuff out of Milo.

January 22nd, 2010 | Category: Big Ole Whiner, Frustrating Mess, Life's Routine | Comments Off

Well I got word back from the owner and he isn’t looking to sell right now. In fact he is in the market to buy.

So there goes my plan. I am here until April. During this time I don’t know what I will try. I pay $600 a month for rent and utilities here. That is too much long term for me. I would rather just buy a place.

I will start to look into rehabbing some places in the King Lincoln District in Columbus. Maybe I can find a nice small little house.

The funny thing is if I had known just a few weeks or months before. I might have had this place.

Oh well such is life. I might head over to see Lissie at Cafe Bourbon Street tonight after work. Or I might just get a bottle of Johnie Walker, a pack of smokes and get loaded.

January 18th, 2010 | Category: Big Ole Whiner, Search For A Home | Comments Off

I finally went to the store and got real groceries. I spent $250. A lot of organic stuff. Meats, vegetables and fish. Lots of juice and 20 cans of no sugar added fruits.

I don’t know if I will be getting a stove. So I will be using my foreman and electric skillet alot!

Still waiting to hear about the offer.

January 17th, 2010 | Category: Life's Routine, Yummy! | Comments Off